My name is Laureen Pittman. I’m a happily married wife and mother of two great boys. I also happen to be adopted. I’m turning 50 this year. This blog is about me and my adoption story. Every story is unique—and I love hearing about all of them. I have many friends who are also part of the adoption triad (either adult adoptees themselves, like me, or adoptive parents). I’ve learned over the years that people who are not part of the triad react to adoption in different ways. I used to be puzzled by that.
Obviously, every experience is different, but I have a family just like you. We do the same things your family does: we celebrate birthdays and holidays, we go on vacations together, we make mistakes and we honor and celebrate life’s milestones and successes. My family is also dysfunctional—just like yours. No one and no family is perfect. I’ve had issues over the years—in my youth and as an adult—with confidence, rejection, trust. Just like you. I don’t blame it on adoption.
I’ve always hated movies, soap operas and fiction that over-dramatize adoption stories, where the adoptee seems to always be the underdog—carrying around abandonment issues and feeling like he or she doesn’t belong—plagued by low self-esteem, lack of trust, and disassociation. We are not, as a group, poor lost souls. For the most part, we are strong, confident, and we have a deep, profound sense of self (probably even more so than many people who are not adopted—we only have the “self” to blame or rely on for most of our psychological make-up). “Self,” however, is not the same as “identity.”
I was born “Baby Girl ___________.” I’ve been known as Laureen Hubachek, Laureen Ashman, and now, Laureen Pittman. My Adoption Story has for the most part been a secret, considered a shameful thing that happened to someone else some 50 years ago. I’ve pretty much been denied a very deep layer of my existence–no family history, no ethnicity, no heritage . . . But here I am. Existing, thriving, in spite of the denial. Some people still believe that the past (my past) and history (my history) should be hidden and denied for all eternity in the name of “privacy” or to protect others from exposure to embarrassment, or exposure to a truth that would destroy some perfectly crafted life created out of denial of the past. Well, it took nearly 50 years, but I’ve decided that I am the one who makes the choices about what I need to do to fill in the blanks about my “identity” and I have made a conscious choice to offer my story.
If you have an adoption story, I’d love to hear it.
By the way, how do you follow this blog without registering for WordPress? I can’t figure out how to get updates by email or become part of your community.
I’ve got a Facebook page set up. You should be able to follow by e-mail. I’ll see if I’ve got it all set up right. Thanks, Lisa! Love you!
This is wonderful, Laureen. I am so happy you are writing this new blog! XO
Thanks, Nancy! You and Lisa have been great support for me throughout this adventure!
This just proves that everyone does have a story that you know absolutely nothing about. I love hearing about your journey. Wonderful blog!
Thanks, Lynn! Yes, EVERYONE has a story. Often, it’s not what you expect. I love hearing others’ stories!
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Congratulations, Laureen. I look forward to more installments of your success story.
Thank you for following my blog, Richard! I’m honored!
If you of someone you know might be interested in new Family Search Docuseries
SEEKING PARTICIPANTS FOR A
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Have you been separated from a relative? Are you adopted but unable to find your birth parent? Is there someone special missing from your life? Or are you looking to make amends?
Firecracker Films and a major TV network are seeking people who are looking to find or reconnect with family members or loved ones. Maybe you’ve been separated for decades due to a separation, a divorce, or abandonment. Perhaps you have become estranged for other reasons. Perhaps you have an extraordinary story that only a few people know. Whatever your story, if you are looking to reconnect, we want to hear from you and we might be able to help.
• Do you ever feel like a piece of you is missing?
• Seeking forgiveness or closure from a child you gave up?
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If you are over the age of 18 and are searching or want to be reconnected with a family member please contact our producing department ask for:
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If responding by email, please include a paragraph about your story, your contact information (email and phone numbers) and a recent photo.
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RE: CABI–I searched every way I could for my birth record. I was born Francis Mays Vehslage on June 9, 1943 in Los Angeles, CA. My mother was Catherine Vehslage. Father was unknown. I was adopted by William and Vera Haggerty (they “got me” in late June 1943, with the formal adoption approved by the court in San Diego in 1945). But I am not listed in the CABI under my birth name. But I am there under my adoptive name, with my adoptive parents listed. That was not supposed to happen. Any way of responding? ALSO: my dna search has turned up with a very strong likelihood that my birth father’s family name was Mays. But no luck finding him yet, although I found and connected with my birth mother’s family–18 welcoming first cousins.
Bob, I’ll take a look at the CABI, as well. I’m happy to help, but keep in mind, unfortunately, not every birth was recorded in the same manner in the CABI. I’ll see what I can find.
I have a very different angle…I was the birth mother. My daughter was adopted by her god parents who have not stood by any agreements made. Including the fact that they told her she was a product of surrogacy (!!) I was devastated. I have been trying to track her down, but the trail died in 2015. Every story is different and I wish everyone success in their journeys. Her Birth Name was correct in CABI, and no records come up under her adopted name, she was born 1994 , I just ordered an informational BC copy from Alameda County – so I am not sure how it will look. I have no knowledge or information of amended BC or how to see them, though I assume she has one
Wow, Jennifer. I hope you find her. Any luck?